Through day and night
I walk through memory lane
With heavy, but mixed emotions
Soaring through my mind
Flashbacks are pouring in
Just like the countless rain drops
Falling on my head
On this coldest night
Dim lights flashing on streets
Feels like it's just me walking
Whereas everyone walks past me
Not knowing my existence
Loneliness is my name
Heartless is my alter ego
Happiness is my enemy
I'm nothing more than what I am
Nothing more, nothing less.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
19th.
I'm officially 19 since 12:00 am on March 24, 2009. I thought I was going to have just a typical birthday at home, but NO! I was blown away with the surprises from people and a surprise tonight [which kinda got spoiled earlier]. Overall, I am in my most happiest mood I haven't had in such a long time. I'm eternally grateful for everyone who has greeted me so far. You guys are just amazingly wonderful people <3 I love you all dearly! I can't wait to see what happens later today. I am full of excitement right now. I just can't stop smiling and feeling so bubbly!
I'm going to make this quick and just say...FLAMETHROWER!
Thank you once again!
<3
I'm going to make this quick and just say...FLAMETHROWER!
Thank you once again!
<3
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Indecisive.
Don't you hate choosing one thing over another and realize it may not be what you wanted? So you tend to switch back and forth before your head starts to explode. THAT'S EXACTLY HOW IT'S BEEN NOW.
It's almost April and by then will be a month before I make my final decision about which college to attend to. Yes I know two blogs ago I said I may take community college for two years and then transfer to a UC. I've told myself so many times to have it sink into my head. Well honestly I don't see myself going there as much as I used to. My mind set keeps constantly changing it leaves me indecisive now. It's like I don't want to deal with this anymore and sadly as a senior I have to.
Last night I talked to Ernie for an hour as soon as I got home from my YDAPP meeting. I needed to vent after a while of thinking and having this burden on my shoulders. When UC notifications came out, I realized I made a mistake of not applying to any of them. At the time I thought to myself that it wouldn't matter much since I probably wouldn't get in anyway. Even if that were to happen, at least I gave it a try right? It sucks to know that I didn't try at all. I had the personal statement set and I had no problem with it. All of a sudden I gave up on the application process. My self-esteem shot down to the lowest level I didn't expect. I come on facebook and read statuses from some of my friends and had something like this:
'[insert name] OMG I GOT DENIED FROM UCSD BUT I GOT INTO U-C-L-A!!!!!'
Basically they were mostly from UCLA and some other colleges too. I couldn't be any more disappointed at myself for not even trying to apply. That's one of the things that still bother me from time to time. Another thing is the fact that I'm considering community college knowing that I applied and got accepted into 3 CSU's. I should take an advantage of giving CSU a try right? Of course. The thought of going to be financially in debt scares me, but that's something most college students go through their freshman year. I wasn't ready for that to happen and either way it might if I take out some loans. I've been attending a school with free education for 12 years of my life. It wouldn't hurt to start paying tuition for a 4-year university right now, depending on the cost I guess. I should just stop thinking too much and realize I have an opportunity in front of me that I know I can't refuse. Why am I making it so difficult for myself?
I guess that I'm afraid to face reality...the thought of being on my own and learn to support myself throughout a 4 year university is overwhelming. I know at some point I will have to go through it and I got nothing to lose. I just don't want to keep jumping back and forth anymore. I wish I knew what to do about this. If there was a miraculous event that were to happen by now, damn I hope it'll help me talk some sense into myself. But I think I'll have the answer on my own soon enough. I don't think community college may be a definite answer anymore. People would kill to be in my shoes if an opportunity like this being offered to them. I need to open my eyes more and stop looking at the negative side of things. My head still hurts from last night's thinking. Today's talk with a friend did help me rethink it over...so I'm thankful I have people I can turn to at a time like this.
I don't want to rush anything and see where it goes. I can't afford to make another remark at this point. What I have left this semester is something I have to give my all to. This is it...my last step towards graduation and I'm out.
It's almost April and by then will be a month before I make my final decision about which college to attend to. Yes I know two blogs ago I said I may take community college for two years and then transfer to a UC. I've told myself so many times to have it sink into my head. Well honestly I don't see myself going there as much as I used to. My mind set keeps constantly changing it leaves me indecisive now. It's like I don't want to deal with this anymore and sadly as a senior I have to.
Last night I talked to Ernie for an hour as soon as I got home from my YDAPP meeting. I needed to vent after a while of thinking and having this burden on my shoulders. When UC notifications came out, I realized I made a mistake of not applying to any of them. At the time I thought to myself that it wouldn't matter much since I probably wouldn't get in anyway. Even if that were to happen, at least I gave it a try right? It sucks to know that I didn't try at all. I had the personal statement set and I had no problem with it. All of a sudden I gave up on the application process. My self-esteem shot down to the lowest level I didn't expect. I come on facebook and read statuses from some of my friends and had something like this:
'[insert name] OMG I GOT DENIED FROM UCSD BUT I GOT INTO U-C-L-A!!!!!'
Basically they were mostly from UCLA and some other colleges too. I couldn't be any more disappointed at myself for not even trying to apply. That's one of the things that still bother me from time to time. Another thing is the fact that I'm considering community college knowing that I applied and got accepted into 3 CSU's. I should take an advantage of giving CSU a try right? Of course. The thought of going to be financially in debt scares me, but that's something most college students go through their freshman year. I wasn't ready for that to happen and either way it might if I take out some loans. I've been attending a school with free education for 12 years of my life. It wouldn't hurt to start paying tuition for a 4-year university right now, depending on the cost I guess. I should just stop thinking too much and realize I have an opportunity in front of me that I know I can't refuse. Why am I making it so difficult for myself?
I guess that I'm afraid to face reality...the thought of being on my own and learn to support myself throughout a 4 year university is overwhelming. I know at some point I will have to go through it and I got nothing to lose. I just don't want to keep jumping back and forth anymore. I wish I knew what to do about this. If there was a miraculous event that were to happen by now, damn I hope it'll help me talk some sense into myself. But I think I'll have the answer on my own soon enough. I don't think community college may be a definite answer anymore. People would kill to be in my shoes if an opportunity like this being offered to them. I need to open my eyes more and stop looking at the negative side of things. My head still hurts from last night's thinking. Today's talk with a friend did help me rethink it over...so I'm thankful I have people I can turn to at a time like this.
I don't want to rush anything and see where it goes. I can't afford to make another remark at this point. What I have left this semester is something I have to give my all to. This is it...my last step towards graduation and I'm out.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Please do not read.
You have no idea how many times my soul wants to be free from the likes of you. The way you still push me around as if I'm only 5 years old. Your way of threatening me not only insults me but makes me want to be much more defiant towards you. The only reason why I don't intend to make a move like how you did to me is the fact that I know where my limits lie. As for you, you need to stop being an annoying, smoke-loving, PMSing son of a bitch and back the fuck off. I try having my own space and yet you still step onto my turf and expect me to deal with your shit.
I'm so tempted to tell someone about your smoking dilemma. Knowing that you're diabetic, you don't give a flying fuck about your health and that bothers me. Even if you do workout daily 3 times a week doesn't convince me that you're going to change your habits. As much as I want to take away your cigarettes and throw them away, I know I can't stop you instantly. It's your life and knowing that I still care doesn't mean you're going to change for me. You say 'oh I do it once in a while'. You think that's not going to affect your lungs much? How fucking stupid are you to tell me that? None of that will ever convince me to think that you'll be okay. I hate to come home and smell the aroma of toxic waste from your clothes. I would take it away, stomp on it in front of you to realize what you're doing is wrong.
You love to put me down as your way to be satisfied that I have been defeated. Well you know what? I'm only taking these 'bullets' just because I must and a way for you to shut the fuck up. I'm more than sick and tired to hear you bitch about how much of a failure I am to you. Do you not know how it feels like to be neglected just by the things you tell me? Even if you say you care, it hurts. I'm sorry I can't be like those who you define as 'role models'. I love that you don't see past my imperfections because that's how you'll always view me as.
Because of you, I rarely hang out with any of my friends nor give my time to do something outdoors. The fact that you're overprotective prevents me to have some fun in my life. Sadly, as this family isn't the same...I feel as if nothing will ever be the same with you and I. Just having casual, but short conversations is all we have and we part our ways for the day. You clearly have no idea how much I just want to scream from the top of my lungs right now. No wonder why I can't be as close to you like other parents who have closure with their teens. I don't think I'm ever going to have that at all anytime soon even if I tried.
I wish I could be as respectful towards you like some of my cousins who have tremendous amount of respect for their parents. I wish you and I could have had this connection where I can tell you things and have your support 100% no matter what I do. Instead, we have this wall that prevents you and I from doing so. Personally, I find it awfully depressing and something I'm already used to. But what can I do? I didn't want to start this way with you at all. Now I get easy irritated and angry when you try to ask me for help. I really hate doing that every single time. I also have some things to fix...or maybe so much than I thought.
At times I cry out of nowhere for self-comfort and that's all I can do to help me heal. Nowadays I prefer to keep those tears in and fight it just so I won't be as weak as I once was. I'm not settling this bullshit with you for the next two years. As much as I love you, it's more than difficult to say it to your face. That's the biggest challenge I have right now and I don't know how to get around it.
I'm so tempted to tell someone about your smoking dilemma. Knowing that you're diabetic, you don't give a flying fuck about your health and that bothers me. Even if you do workout daily 3 times a week doesn't convince me that you're going to change your habits. As much as I want to take away your cigarettes and throw them away, I know I can't stop you instantly. It's your life and knowing that I still care doesn't mean you're going to change for me. You say 'oh I do it once in a while'. You think that's not going to affect your lungs much? How fucking stupid are you to tell me that? None of that will ever convince me to think that you'll be okay. I hate to come home and smell the aroma of toxic waste from your clothes. I would take it away, stomp on it in front of you to realize what you're doing is wrong.
You love to put me down as your way to be satisfied that I have been defeated. Well you know what? I'm only taking these 'bullets' just because I must and a way for you to shut the fuck up. I'm more than sick and tired to hear you bitch about how much of a failure I am to you. Do you not know how it feels like to be neglected just by the things you tell me? Even if you say you care, it hurts. I'm sorry I can't be like those who you define as 'role models'. I love that you don't see past my imperfections because that's how you'll always view me as.
Because of you, I rarely hang out with any of my friends nor give my time to do something outdoors. The fact that you're overprotective prevents me to have some fun in my life. Sadly, as this family isn't the same...I feel as if nothing will ever be the same with you and I. Just having casual, but short conversations is all we have and we part our ways for the day. You clearly have no idea how much I just want to scream from the top of my lungs right now. No wonder why I can't be as close to you like other parents who have closure with their teens. I don't think I'm ever going to have that at all anytime soon even if I tried.
I wish I could be as respectful towards you like some of my cousins who have tremendous amount of respect for their parents. I wish you and I could have had this connection where I can tell you things and have your support 100% no matter what I do. Instead, we have this wall that prevents you and I from doing so. Personally, I find it awfully depressing and something I'm already used to. But what can I do? I didn't want to start this way with you at all. Now I get easy irritated and angry when you try to ask me for help. I really hate doing that every single time. I also have some things to fix...or maybe so much than I thought.
At times I cry out of nowhere for self-comfort and that's all I can do to help me heal. Nowadays I prefer to keep those tears in and fight it just so I won't be as weak as I once was. I'm not settling this bullshit with you for the next two years. As much as I love you, it's more than difficult to say it to your face. That's the biggest challenge I have right now and I don't know how to get around it.
I'm Pretty Sure
...my decision for college is pretty much permanent.
I'm not planning to attend a Cal State anytime soon. None of the schools that accepted me aren't what I wanted nor interests me. So I don't want to waste my time going to a school where I probably may not have the college life I wish. At this point I'm clueless on what is it that I want to do with my life. I'd rather not think about it right now and let the future tell me as I'm continuing my education at Community College. I'll transfer to a UC after my 2nd year so let's hope I know what I want to do by then. 99.9% likely chance of going to this direction without regrets.
My parents, especially my mother seems pleased. She thinks it's the right path to start for now and it's true. But that doesn't mean I'm doing this for her. After some longtime thinking, I realized I'm not ready to face a 4-year university just yet. I'm not willing to go into debt during my first year even if there's financial aid and loans. This is something I decided on my own and something I'm confident of doing. I need to settle things right before I continue any further at a higher education.
I feel that applying for those colleges was a waste. Then again it was a good thing just to see if I got in or not. So in the end it was all for experience and I'm glad I went through it. I just wish I knew which college to attend by now. Well whatever happens, it happens and when it does...it happens for a reason. Pretty much how life goes nowadays.
"Whenever your world starts crashing down, that's when you find me."
If you ever need anything from me, whether if it's advice or even just a conversation I'm always here. I love to help others who are in need of guidance or just someone who enjoys a friendly conversation. I've had quite a few lately with people whom I didn't expect to talk to. In the end, it was full of laughter and smiles...possibly a little bit of butterflies in my stomach. Hahah, but I guess it happens when I'm having a great time with that person. I don't know where this leads to, but I don't want to let it end just yet.
& now I lost my train of thought. Have a good day.
I'm not planning to attend a Cal State anytime soon. None of the schools that accepted me aren't what I wanted nor interests me. So I don't want to waste my time going to a school where I probably may not have the college life I wish. At this point I'm clueless on what is it that I want to do with my life. I'd rather not think about it right now and let the future tell me as I'm continuing my education at Community College. I'll transfer to a UC after my 2nd year so let's hope I know what I want to do by then. 99.9% likely chance of going to this direction without regrets.
My parents, especially my mother seems pleased. She thinks it's the right path to start for now and it's true. But that doesn't mean I'm doing this for her. After some longtime thinking, I realized I'm not ready to face a 4-year university just yet. I'm not willing to go into debt during my first year even if there's financial aid and loans. This is something I decided on my own and something I'm confident of doing. I need to settle things right before I continue any further at a higher education.
I feel that applying for those colleges was a waste. Then again it was a good thing just to see if I got in or not. So in the end it was all for experience and I'm glad I went through it. I just wish I knew which college to attend by now. Well whatever happens, it happens and when it does...it happens for a reason. Pretty much how life goes nowadays.
"Whenever your world starts crashing down, that's when you find me."
If you ever need anything from me, whether if it's advice or even just a conversation I'm always here. I love to help others who are in need of guidance or just someone who enjoys a friendly conversation. I've had quite a few lately with people whom I didn't expect to talk to. In the end, it was full of laughter and smiles...possibly a little bit of butterflies in my stomach. Hahah, but I guess it happens when I'm having a great time with that person. I don't know where this leads to, but I don't want to let it end just yet.
& now I lost my train of thought. Have a good day.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
That's it.
I don't want to lose you this time.
You mean more to me than you ever know.
and I'm not going to make the same mistake.
We've been through enough to just let go.
I can't risk seeing you walk away 'cause of me.
I need you more than I ever did from day one.
One phone call can change the way I feel.
No more melancholy or anger, it's done.
A sense of relief has returned after a while.
All thanks to you once again.
<3
Sincerely,
Abby.
You mean more to me than you ever know.
and I'm not going to make the same mistake.
We've been through enough to just let go.
I can't risk seeing you walk away 'cause of me.
I need you more than I ever did from day one.
One phone call can change the way I feel.
No more melancholy or anger, it's done.
A sense of relief has returned after a while.
All thanks to you once again.
<3
Sincerely,
Abby.
Friday, March 13, 2009
WTHEO? Friday the 13th AGAIN?
I think it was my first time in such a while that I choked on a quiz today. I couldn't feel any more stupid really. Just looking at some of the math problems seemed to be difficult, but easier when I had the right notes. I also hated that I was timed too. That always gets to me even if I try not to think about it. I remember I turned in the homework that had to do with the quiz, so that was a bummer. Maybe I was thinking too much on the outcome...as in my grade. Well all I can say is that I didn't do too well, but there are more quizzes on the way soon. I'm not going to let this happen to me again. I just hate these kind of moments.
As I got home, I hopped on the internet and find out Facebook changed the layout, AGAIN. My golly, when will they stop? Nevermind...that question will never be answered because they'll keep changing it until the world ends...jk. Now I have to get used to the big, round-border pictures of people and video highlights on the right side of the page. This reminds me a little bit of tumblr because the layout is a little similar as well for myspace. Change is inevitable.
On a brighter note, I thank the Lord that today is Friday! I've been waiting for this day since Monday started. Now I can fully get the hours of sleep I need...and maybe sleep late again :D I really need to make plans with people, not just parents. I need some excitement here! Not sure who's available to hang out, but I'll just call whoever is on my contact list. Other than that, maybe another weekend at home again. Hah.
Some of the skyporz are meeting up in NY this weekend. I am very envious right now. If only I were to live near or had enough money for a plane ticket I'd go in an instant. Hopefully they'll come around summer or I'm going to have to hitchhike to them. CRAZY, but maybe. Have fun guys!
Quick shoutout to Renabette! You are more than just amazing and I'm not saying that just because. It's really true. I stop by your show sometimes and catch you with a guitar or a new haircut. Hahaha! We HAVE to meet soon.
As I got home, I hopped on the internet and find out Facebook changed the layout, AGAIN. My golly, when will they stop? Nevermind...that question will never be answered because they'll keep changing it until the world ends...jk. Now I have to get used to the big, round-border pictures of people and video highlights on the right side of the page. This reminds me a little bit of tumblr because the layout is a little similar as well for myspace. Change is inevitable.
On a brighter note, I thank the Lord that today is Friday! I've been waiting for this day since Monday started. Now I can fully get the hours of sleep I need...and maybe sleep late again :D I really need to make plans with people, not just parents. I need some excitement here! Not sure who's available to hang out, but I'll just call whoever is on my contact list. Other than that, maybe another weekend at home again. Hah.
Some of the skyporz are meeting up in NY this weekend. I am very envious right now. If only I were to live near or had enough money for a plane ticket I'd go in an instant. Hopefully they'll come around summer or I'm going to have to hitchhike to them. CRAZY, but maybe. Have fun guys!
Quick shoutout to Renabette! You are more than just amazing and I'm not saying that just because. It's really true. I stop by your show sometimes and catch you with a guitar or a new haircut. Hahaha! We HAVE to meet soon.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
& I realized.
I just got my new camera today! I didn't think I'd get it this week since the date where it was suppose to arrive was next Tuesday. But hey, I am happy. I did however just thought about starting this out and all.
I read this person's blog about his/her annoyance of how people these days are purchasing more SLRs just to take professional photos or the fact that having an SLR makes them feel like 'big shot's. This person has a deep passion for photography, probably more than anyone I know here. I understand about his/her opinion because I have heard some people talking about getting an SLR and I felt the same sometimes. Yes I wanted to get an SLR at one point, but I knew it was way out of my budget and I probably would be clumsy enough to take care of it anyway. So I didn't care about it anymore. I know that just because having an SLR doesn't automatically make you a pro at photography. That wasn't my case at all from the beginning.
I may have gone a little too far with my excitement with photography from my last blog. But let me just say, I've always had a love for this ever since I saw my lolo taking photos of exotic places and others that I've never seen at all. Just looking at those photos made me feel like, whoa...these places couldn't be any more beautiful. Of course it didn't just end from there. I started to do my own a few years back with my old camera. From family vacations to scenery, I fell in love with photography. I did regret giving my old camera away because I felt like I was giving up on something I had a desire for. I felt ashamed for it, but that's all in the past now.
What brought back my attempt to start photography again was some of the blogs Janelle wrote on her passion for photography. I've only seen the ones she posted on her previous blogs. I was amazed with her work and her passion for this because this is something I know she would never stop doing just like others I know or met. Looking at collections from people's trips to other places and taking snapshots is like taking a precious memory with you, knowing that they're already engraved in your mind and heart.
What I think makes photos so beautiful is the uniqueness it brings. You have to look at the meaning of what's in the photo, not just the appearance. I've learned that not too ago and I agree. When looking at my past pictures on my computer, all I did was looking at it and would say 'hey, this is so great! Can't believe I took this!' But thinking about it now made me realize I should look beyond what's displayed in front of me. Anything in a portrait even if it's grotesque-like is still considered unique.
Just like in art. A picture is worth a thousand words, or more.
There are others out there who have a deeper passion for this than I do and it's great! I may not understand fully just yet, but I still want to no matter how long it'll take. My advice to anyone is that if you want to be a photographer, you don't need to have a specific camera nor have any experience. Any camera from digital to Polaroids works. However, you gotta love what you're doing and hold on to it. It takes only one click to snap a picture.
I didn't mean to show off about anything to do with photography from my last few blogs. If I ever offended anyone about it, I'm really sorry. I'm doing what I want and love to do. It may be just a hobby, or even a possible choice of career...I don't know. All I know is that my love for photography will never fade.
I read this person's blog about his/her annoyance of how people these days are purchasing more SLRs just to take professional photos or the fact that having an SLR makes them feel like 'big shot's. This person has a deep passion for photography, probably more than anyone I know here. I understand about his/her opinion because I have heard some people talking about getting an SLR and I felt the same sometimes. Yes I wanted to get an SLR at one point, but I knew it was way out of my budget and I probably would be clumsy enough to take care of it anyway. So I didn't care about it anymore. I know that just because having an SLR doesn't automatically make you a pro at photography. That wasn't my case at all from the beginning.
I may have gone a little too far with my excitement with photography from my last blog. But let me just say, I've always had a love for this ever since I saw my lolo taking photos of exotic places and others that I've never seen at all. Just looking at those photos made me feel like, whoa...these places couldn't be any more beautiful. Of course it didn't just end from there. I started to do my own a few years back with my old camera. From family vacations to scenery, I fell in love with photography. I did regret giving my old camera away because I felt like I was giving up on something I had a desire for. I felt ashamed for it, but that's all in the past now.
What brought back my attempt to start photography again was some of the blogs Janelle wrote on her passion for photography. I've only seen the ones she posted on her previous blogs. I was amazed with her work and her passion for this because this is something I know she would never stop doing just like others I know or met. Looking at collections from people's trips to other places and taking snapshots is like taking a precious memory with you, knowing that they're already engraved in your mind and heart.
What I think makes photos so beautiful is the uniqueness it brings. You have to look at the meaning of what's in the photo, not just the appearance. I've learned that not too ago and I agree. When looking at my past pictures on my computer, all I did was looking at it and would say 'hey, this is so great! Can't believe I took this!' But thinking about it now made me realize I should look beyond what's displayed in front of me. Anything in a portrait even if it's grotesque-like is still considered unique.
Just like in art. A picture is worth a thousand words, or more.
There are others out there who have a deeper passion for this than I do and it's great! I may not understand fully just yet, but I still want to no matter how long it'll take. My advice to anyone is that if you want to be a photographer, you don't need to have a specific camera nor have any experience. Any camera from digital to Polaroids works. However, you gotta love what you're doing and hold on to it. It takes only one click to snap a picture.
I didn't mean to show off about anything to do with photography from my last few blogs. If I ever offended anyone about it, I'm really sorry. I'm doing what I want and love to do. It may be just a hobby, or even a possible choice of career...I don't know. All I know is that my love for photography will never fade.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
My Greatest Escape
As I mentioned from my last blog I will start working on my photography skills as soon as I get my Canon Powershot SX110 IS a week from today. Not only am I excited, but I can finally touch the feeling of MY OWN camera instead of borrowing someone else. Haha, so I can't wait for that.I was in my math class today and I thought about making a scrapbook in the future for storing my photos. I'm think
ing what kind of photos I need to shoot, although I'm not really a professional. I'd like to think as if I were to be and see where it goes from there. I've been searching any possible names for my photographs, i.e. 'M.A.D. Photography' by Mark Diaz [who is also my kuya bear]. I was thinking of naming mine 'My Greatest Escape' Photography. I have a feeling someone may have taken that name. That's when alternative names come in just in case. What do you guys think? I really would like to have any suggestions since I suck at coming up with these names. Please and thank you :]Some people like Maggie & Christine have been making their own Bucket List. I'd like to mention a few of mine before I get the full list of what I want to do before my life ends at God knows when.
Note: I'll be updating these continuously.
- Travel in different parts of the world of my choice.
- Start a humanitarian organization.
- Go to Cedar Point with some friends.
- Participate in a pie eating contest [seriously].
- Work in the photography industry, I hope.
- Run 25 miles and shed off some of that fat. HA.
- Hitchhike all over the U.S.A with someone.
- Study Japanese, Mandarin or Cantonese, French, Italian, and Tagalog.
- Visit historical landmarks out there.
- Go drifting with a convertible. LOL
- Meet my lovely skyporz family<3
- Meet any youtube celebrity, such as Sam Hart, Gabe Bondoc and AJ Rafael.
- Learn to waveboard and surf.
- Find my true love...how corny but yes.
- Hip hop dancing & singing.
- Meet different variety of people out there.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Behold!
Oh yes, I got this baby in the bag!
My mom and I decided to purchase the Canon Powershot SX110 IS because I gave my old digital camera awa
y to my cousin who was here for a trip. I kind miss my old camera since it was my very first one I ever possessed and was also Canon. My parents bought it back in 2007 where I was all hyped for my first digital camera. This camera we just bought from Dell.com cost a little over $200 which I find as a good price. I wanted a camera that sort of had the look of an SLR, but something I'll enjoy having. I don't know about you, but I'm satisfied with this one. There are two colors: Black and Silver. I decided to choose black because I felt it was a suitable color for a camera [sorry Christine :P]. Based on the USA.Canon.com site, its rating was 4.6 out of 5.0. I read the reviews carefully and thought to myself that it wouldn't be a bad idea to purchase the SX110 IS. Its features are alright and some of the photos 
customers uploaded as proof of how this camera works turned out great. I couldn't be any more pleased. Some of the cons include that I have to use AA batteries. So I'll use my rechargeable batteries we bought a few years back so that I won't have to keep buying more. In addition, I found out I can't zoom when I'm using video mode and it works in most lighting conditions except low light. I like this camera regardless of what the cons are. Once it arrives, I'll get started on my photography skills and work a little bit around Photoshop [I still need to find the CD which is somewhere in my computer desk]. It'll arrive within a week from tomorrow. I'll call it my early birthday present.
y to my cousin who was here for a trip. I kind miss my old camera since it was my very first one I ever possessed and was also Canon. My parents bought it back in 2007 where I was all hyped for my first digital camera. This camera we just bought from Dell.com cost a little over $200 which I find as a good price. I wanted a camera that sort of had the look of an SLR, but something I'll enjoy having. I don't know about you, but I'm satisfied with this one. There are two colors: Black and Silver. I decided to choose black because I felt it was a suitable color for a camera [sorry Christine :P]. Based on the USA.Canon.com site, its rating was 4.6 out of 5.0. I read the reviews carefully and thought to myself that it wouldn't be a bad idea to purchase the SX110 IS. Its features are alright and some of the photos 
customers uploaded as proof of how this camera works turned out great. I couldn't be any more pleased. Some of the cons include that I have to use AA batteries. So I'll use my rechargeable batteries we bought a few years back so that I won't have to keep buying more. In addition, I found out I can't zoom when I'm using video mode and it works in most lighting conditions except low light. I like this camera regardless of what the cons are. Once it arrives, I'll get started on my photography skills and work a little bit around Photoshop [I still need to find the CD which is somewhere in my computer desk]. It'll arrive within a week from tomorrow. I'll call it my early birthday present.Speaking of my birthday, it's actually coming up in two weeks from tomorrow. I don't really have any plans on what I'll do that day. Maybe a dinner and movie with some of my close friends. What do you think I should do? I'm obviously horrible at deciding what plans to be made. I realized that I'm not so excited about my birthday this year because...well I don't know. The sparks just died out after my 18th birthday. I guess the thought of getting older after 18 kinda hits me from time to time. I know I shouldn't be worried that I'll be getting old because what defines to be OLD is around 60+. Haha, but you get the idea right? I still have a LONG way to go.
AJ Rafael sang an original from Gabe Bondoc's 'Gentlemen Don't'. I just listened to this song and was completely blown away. I gotta keep up often with the video updates. These two guys are amazing. If you don't know who they are, search them up on Youtube and view their past videos.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
How can I be so careless?
Ever had a moment in your life where you just want to stop caring over things? I know it may be wrong, but enough to say that it leaves you stress free from it. I think it just depends on what it is I suppose. You wouldn't have to think too much over things going on and rather leave it aside. But what if you stopped caring for the world completely? How will it change you as a person?
Lately I haven't quite been in a normal state. By normal state I mean when I don't have the care for things that aren't important as I'm in a good mood. I don't know why I think about it and when I do I tend to get angry because the thought of it won't leave. It's stuck within your mind like you're glued to a seat. The more that I keep doing this, the more likely I'll go nuts about it. It just sucks to be in this situation.
I've thought of my situation with my best friend and I've decided to stop caring about what's going on. I think the only reason why this won't disappear is the fact that I miss talking to her and how I'm used to have her update me on her life. Apparently that hasn't been happening these days. No calls, text, NOTHING. It's like I have to figure out what's really going on through sources. Not only does this annoy me but the fact that she doesn't put any effort into at least calling me once in a while. I don't want to end up fading away from her if this keeps up. If it does lead to that point then what can I do? Things just happen and it happens for a reason. It's time that I stop caring about it and move on right? Sure. I've told myself so many freakin` times to throw the garbage and care for something with meaning. It's easier said than done.
When I think of other people and the life they live, sometimes I wish I can put myself into their shoes and see their perspective of things. I tend to compare the way my life is to theirs and see the differences and similarities. Now when reading this I'm sure you've compared yourself to people before, right? Y'know, the things they possess, what accomplishments they've made and so on. I think we do this to see what is something in our lives that we need to change in order to outshine others. You probably may feel a little inferior if you live the typical life and not the kind of life where good fortune comes to you. Believe me I don't enjoy how my life is sometimes, but I think it's harder to accept what you have. Which is why that most people aren't satisfied with everything. I think people may never be satisfied even if you feel like you have what you want. You tend to want more than what's in front of you, which in some cases may be a negative thing.
All I can say is that people should try to put a halt into caring for what others have or are doing and focus more on yourself. Remember that if you make the littlest things that can bother you so important, then it becomes an issue. Hell yes I am a hypocrite and I'm not ashamed to admit it but I'm making a statement that I, too should stop caring about useless things. I'm not alone and I know that for a fact. Hooray for imperfections.
Lately I haven't quite been in a normal state. By normal state I mean when I don't have the care for things that aren't important as I'm in a good mood. I don't know why I think about it and when I do I tend to get angry because the thought of it won't leave. It's stuck within your mind like you're glued to a seat. The more that I keep doing this, the more likely I'll go nuts about it. It just sucks to be in this situation.
I've thought of my situation with my best friend and I've decided to stop caring about what's going on. I think the only reason why this won't disappear is the fact that I miss talking to her and how I'm used to have her update me on her life. Apparently that hasn't been happening these days. No calls, text, NOTHING. It's like I have to figure out what's really going on through sources. Not only does this annoy me but the fact that she doesn't put any effort into at least calling me once in a while. I don't want to end up fading away from her if this keeps up. If it does lead to that point then what can I do? Things just happen and it happens for a reason. It's time that I stop caring about it and move on right? Sure. I've told myself so many freakin` times to throw the garbage and care for something with meaning. It's easier said than done.
When I think of other people and the life they live, sometimes I wish I can put myself into their shoes and see their perspective of things. I tend to compare the way my life is to theirs and see the differences and similarities. Now when reading this I'm sure you've compared yourself to people before, right? Y'know, the things they possess, what accomplishments they've made and so on. I think we do this to see what is something in our lives that we need to change in order to outshine others. You probably may feel a little inferior if you live the typical life and not the kind of life where good fortune comes to you. Believe me I don't enjoy how my life is sometimes, but I think it's harder to accept what you have. Which is why that most people aren't satisfied with everything. I think people may never be satisfied even if you feel like you have what you want. You tend to want more than what's in front of you, which in some cases may be a negative thing.
All I can say is that people should try to put a halt into caring for what others have or are doing and focus more on yourself. Remember that if you make the littlest things that can bother you so important, then it becomes an issue. Hell yes I am a hypocrite and I'm not ashamed to admit it but I'm making a statement that I, too should stop caring about useless things. I'm not alone and I know that for a fact. Hooray for imperfections.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Happy Cows come from California
So some of you guys already know I've been in school since Tuesday. Hooray for 2nd semester! I no longer have AP stats because...well you know why and if you don't, too bad. I'm kind of ashamed to even admit it. Anyway, I can finally leave early after 5th period and my schedule seems to be 'A-Okay'. I have two English classes because one of them is a junior class in which I haven't taken yet since I replaced it with Government last year. I'm retaking a semester of a math class and that's pretty much it with the schedule.
...& now it's time to RANT.
It's only been four days and I already have a dislike of a class which is World Lit. At first I was okay with the minimum amount of people, but as more people kept checking in the second day I was like...WTHEO? When did these people decided to come in AND why does it have to be this specific period? Now it's almost 30 students and I know you're probably thinking that's nothing. I find that to be more than the limit because usually my English teacher's class doesn't have that many students. The average size would range from 10-15 students. Then I come to realize the reason as to why all these people were switching. Majority came from 1st period and wanted to avoid the policy of being late in the morning because my teacher is known for past incidents with students coming late for 1st. He actually didn't accept any term papers from students from previous years who came late, even if it's 5 seconds after the bell. Yeah, he's that much of a strict individual.
I'm not content with the way it is at the moment and I have been annoyed to the extent where I'm close to chew certain people out. There's this group behind me where they YAP continuously with their mouths about other crap during the period. Some of them are mostly the ones who answer the questions the teacher asked while everyone else stood quiet. He then pointed out that we finally have 'fresh blood' in this class that he needed. How amazing is that...
One girl who sits behind me is the one I honestly can't stand at this point. She's one of those 'high achiever' students who tries to be superior among the rest as she laughs for every single thing the teacher does that I don't define as hilarious. Her laugh is beyond annoying and because of past experiences, most people dislike her. Basically she's the only one who laughs out LOUD as everyone turns to her. The sad part is that she also checked into the class recently. UGH why do I have the worst luck nowadays?
I'm thinking of going to either my college counselor or my former counselor on trying to switch my periods one and two. I'd rather not stay in a class that's overcrowded and have RIDONKULOUS people who don't know when to shut the hell up. I think that's a reasonable answer that can help me get out of that period. I wouldn't mind having the class for first. I just can't come late AT ALL which is all good in my hood. I find it very funny that some people are avoiding this semester because of the term paper. I mean come on, you're going to eventually write a term paper in College, so why the hell would you be avoiding it NOW? Idiots I tell ya, seriously. Don't know when to MAN UP and deal with it.
Thank GOODNESS it's Friday. I've been waiting for this day since school started. QUEST CREW <3
...& now it's time to RANT.
It's only been four days and I already have a dislike of a class which is World Lit. At first I was okay with the minimum amount of people, but as more people kept checking in the second day I was like...WTHEO? When did these people decided to come in AND why does it have to be this specific period? Now it's almost 30 students and I know you're probably thinking that's nothing. I find that to be more than the limit because usually my English teacher's class doesn't have that many students. The average size would range from 10-15 students. Then I come to realize the reason as to why all these people were switching. Majority came from 1st period and wanted to avoid the policy of being late in the morning because my teacher is known for past incidents with students coming late for 1st. He actually didn't accept any term papers from students from previous years who came late, even if it's 5 seconds after the bell. Yeah, he's that much of a strict individual.
I'm not content with the way it is at the moment and I have been annoyed to the extent where I'm close to chew certain people out. There's this group behind me where they YAP continuously with their mouths about other crap during the period. Some of them are mostly the ones who answer the questions the teacher asked while everyone else stood quiet. He then pointed out that we finally have 'fresh blood' in this class that he needed. How amazing is that...
One girl who sits behind me is the one I honestly can't stand at this point. She's one of those 'high achiever' students who tries to be superior among the rest as she laughs for every single thing the teacher does that I don't define as hilarious. Her laugh is beyond annoying and because of past experiences, most people dislike her. Basically she's the only one who laughs out LOUD as everyone turns to her. The sad part is that she also checked into the class recently. UGH why do I have the worst luck nowadays?
I'm thinking of going to either my college counselor or my former counselor on trying to switch my periods one and two. I'd rather not stay in a class that's overcrowded and have RIDONKULOUS people who don't know when to shut the hell up. I think that's a reasonable answer that can help me get out of that period. I wouldn't mind having the class for first. I just can't come late AT ALL which is all good in my hood. I find it very funny that some people are avoiding this semester because of the term paper. I mean come on, you're going to eventually write a term paper in College, so why the hell would you be avoiding it NOW? Idiots I tell ya, seriously. Don't know when to MAN UP and deal with it.
Thank GOODNESS it's Friday. I've been waiting for this day since school started. QUEST CREW <3
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Son of a !@#$%^&
You know when you're working in a group project and you expect everyone to do their part in order to get things done? Ha, take out 'everyone' and replace it with majority or very few people. Seems as though one or two people don't do shit. This leads me to say that...I HATE WORKING WITH GROUPS! I wish I can yank their hairs out and kick them in the face! Yeah, I'm that pissed off. I can never work with people who sit there like couch potatoes while watching everyone else do their part as if this is at a sweatshop.
ANYWAY . . .
I was at my YDAPP meeting yesterday with Anna and just when she was about to facilitate the meeting, this girl [who will remain anonymous] comes in. Just when I was getting out from the bathroom, I turn around and hear her asking me 'Hey Abby, can you not tell Ernie that I'm here yet?' I had this WTHELL look and said 'Okay, sure.' Then I walked into the meeting room and assumed that she'll make it late to the meeting. A few other members later came in and the meeting started. Ernie announced the people who couldn't make it, and that girl was one of them. As soon as I heard that, I was pretty fucking pissed. I thought she stayed in the bathroom for a while and would eventually come out for the meeting. Well I was certainly wrong about that.
I told Anna about it before the meeting started and she and I were thinking what the heck was that about. Sadly, one of Anna's group members couldn't make it due to a family emergency, and since that girl'decided to take off, Anna had to do the group presentation by herself. It was obviously unprepared and the group had lack of communication. I can understand that one of the members had a family emergency, but the other was a total ditcher. I felt pretty bad for Anna as she was struggling to figure out how to make a discussion regarding a survey she made up. There wasn't enough feedback and Ernie was very disappointed at how things are going with everyone else. I don't blame him for feeling that way at all and he has every right to be. We're losing some members from YDAPP due to other reasons and we haven't exactly got anything accomplished so far. I don't even know if I want to continue with the program if the progress isn't getting better.
Once everyone left, it was Anna, Ernie and I that stayed for a while. I was so tempted to tell Ernie what just happened, but I wasn't sure because I didn't want to cause any conflict. Anna didn't have the guts to admit it and was too angry over what's been going on. If I left the office, I would regret not saying anything and my guilt would be bugging me for a while. So I couldn't continue to keep it in anymore. I told Ernie the story with that girl and my encounter with her at the bathroom. He seemed not only disappointed, but angry at the fact that she took off without notice. Obviously, it was unacceptable and something that we couldn't avoid. It was mostly me who explained of the past incidents that had to do with that girl, saying she's not contributing enough in anything to do with group work and goes around doing her own business. I was blunt and didn't care a bit on what's going to happen next. I guess you can say I don't take crap from ANYONE, especially her.
Finally, Heaven has answered our prayers when Ernie said he's thinking of dismissing her from the program due to her actions and lack of focus. I couldn't be more happier to be honest. Some members were already disgusted and tired of her crap, but decided to keep it lowkey. The only thing I'm anxious about is what's going to happen this Saturday at our YDAPP dinner. Someone might bring up the incident which is something I kind of want to avoid. Whatever, if it happens then it happens. I've said what I wanted to say and I definitely have no regrets. At least people don't have to deal with her shit anymore. Hallelujah hollaback!
Anna later thanked me for speaking up on the situation when my dad and I dropped her home. I told her I was eventually going to do it anyway even if yesterday wasn't the day...thank God. As soon as I got home, I went on Facebook to check my stuff and I couldn't believe I had more than 90 notifications OVER ONE PHOTO. No offense but that shit was beyond annoying. I couldn't read all of the comments since it was a long list. Anyway, the one who couldn't make it because of an emergency IMed me on Facebook. I briefly told her what went on and I wasn't surprised about her reaction. I kind of snucked around her profile that had a 'Wall to Wall' conversation between her and that ditcher. It was hilarious to find out that she had no idea the presentation was yesterday and said this...
'Oh I don't even know if I'll be able to come back next week because Ernie's thinking of kicking me out woohoo.'
...what a bitch, right? YEAH.
ANYWAY . . .
I was at my YDAPP meeting yesterday with Anna and just when she was about to facilitate the meeting, this girl [who will remain anonymous] comes in. Just when I was getting out from the bathroom, I turn around and hear her asking me 'Hey Abby, can you not tell Ernie that I'm here yet?' I had this WTHELL look and said 'Okay, sure.' Then I walked into the meeting room and assumed that she'll make it late to the meeting. A few other members later came in and the meeting started. Ernie announced the people who couldn't make it, and that girl was one of them. As soon as I heard that, I was pretty fucking pissed. I thought she stayed in the bathroom for a while and would eventually come out for the meeting. Well I was certainly wrong about that.
I told Anna about it before the meeting started and she and I were thinking what the heck was that about. Sadly, one of Anna's group members couldn't make it due to a family emergency, and since that girl'decided to take off, Anna had to do the group presentation by herself. It was obviously unprepared and the group had lack of communication. I can understand that one of the members had a family emergency, but the other was a total ditcher. I felt pretty bad for Anna as she was struggling to figure out how to make a discussion regarding a survey she made up. There wasn't enough feedback and Ernie was very disappointed at how things are going with everyone else. I don't blame him for feeling that way at all and he has every right to be. We're losing some members from YDAPP due to other reasons and we haven't exactly got anything accomplished so far. I don't even know if I want to continue with the program if the progress isn't getting better.
Once everyone left, it was Anna, Ernie and I that stayed for a while. I was so tempted to tell Ernie what just happened, but I wasn't sure because I didn't want to cause any conflict. Anna didn't have the guts to admit it and was too angry over what's been going on. If I left the office, I would regret not saying anything and my guilt would be bugging me for a while. So I couldn't continue to keep it in anymore. I told Ernie the story with that girl and my encounter with her at the bathroom. He seemed not only disappointed, but angry at the fact that she took off without notice. Obviously, it was unacceptable and something that we couldn't avoid. It was mostly me who explained of the past incidents that had to do with that girl, saying she's not contributing enough in anything to do with group work and goes around doing her own business. I was blunt and didn't care a bit on what's going to happen next. I guess you can say I don't take crap from ANYONE, especially her.
Finally, Heaven has answered our prayers when Ernie said he's thinking of dismissing her from the program due to her actions and lack of focus. I couldn't be more happier to be honest. Some members were already disgusted and tired of her crap, but decided to keep it lowkey. The only thing I'm anxious about is what's going to happen this Saturday at our YDAPP dinner. Someone might bring up the incident which is something I kind of want to avoid. Whatever, if it happens then it happens. I've said what I wanted to say and I definitely have no regrets. At least people don't have to deal with her shit anymore. Hallelujah hollaback!
Anna later thanked me for speaking up on the situation when my dad and I dropped her home. I told her I was eventually going to do it anyway even if yesterday wasn't the day...thank God. As soon as I got home, I went on Facebook to check my stuff and I couldn't believe I had more than 90 notifications OVER ONE PHOTO. No offense but that shit was beyond annoying. I couldn't read all of the comments since it was a long list. Anyway, the one who couldn't make it because of an emergency IMed me on Facebook. I briefly told her what went on and I wasn't surprised about her reaction. I kind of snucked around her profile that had a 'Wall to Wall' conversation between her and that ditcher. It was hilarious to find out that she had no idea the presentation was yesterday and said this...
'Oh I don't even know if I'll be able to come back next week because Ernie's thinking of kicking me out woohoo.'
...what a bitch, right? YEAH.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Something to Remember
The purpose as to why we humans have to face obstacles is a step closer for us to learn how to handle ourselves and what this world will throw upon us as we continue to walk on this earth. We may lose some and gain more and that's how life will always be. We have to accept what's done when making mistakes and can't dwell on them forever. Change is inevitable and something we know we can't avoid. So be content with what you do have instead of complaining on what you wish you wanted. This isn't no fairy tale story; It's reality. People need to stop relying on fairy tales as an escape from what's real. If you can't handle any problem, then you're not going to learn how to get through life.
-From yours truly.
-From yours truly.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Thanks
Dear you,
You've been good to me throughout these past months. No words can ever explain just how exactly I feel right now. I've had quite a blast getting to know you and being able to share some things that I didn't expect to say. I didn't realize you and I would have a connection, but I'm glad I was able to share it with you. I've only known you for a short while, but enough to say that I'm grateful to have you around. I was always in the greatest mood to speak to you mainly late at night. Being able to talk to you until the sun would rise at dawn the first time I heard your voice was surreal. I felt I was in a calm state of mind when your presence was near. It's as if I can hear your voice from a far distance. Whatever we talked about didn't matter as long as we made the conversation continue without the awkward moments in between. I may come off as weird sometimes, but you never do me wrong and accepted me for who I was. At this point, I'm hoping you and I will be able to remain the way we've always been as long as we live...that's if you still want me around. If anything, I hope that when we do suddenly depart, you'll be here when I return doing the usual routine. I don't want to see you leave, but if it were to come down to that, then I guess I'm going to have to deal with it. I definitely won't forget any of this. But either way, thanks for being there.
Sincerely,
Me.
You've been good to me throughout these past months. No words can ever explain just how exactly I feel right now. I've had quite a blast getting to know you and being able to share some things that I didn't expect to say. I didn't realize you and I would have a connection, but I'm glad I was able to share it with you. I've only known you for a short while, but enough to say that I'm grateful to have you around. I was always in the greatest mood to speak to you mainly late at night. Being able to talk to you until the sun would rise at dawn the first time I heard your voice was surreal. I felt I was in a calm state of mind when your presence was near. It's as if I can hear your voice from a far distance. Whatever we talked about didn't matter as long as we made the conversation continue without the awkward moments in between. I may come off as weird sometimes, but you never do me wrong and accepted me for who I was. At this point, I'm hoping you and I will be able to remain the way we've always been as long as we live...that's if you still want me around. If anything, I hope that when we do suddenly depart, you'll be here when I return doing the usual routine. I don't want to see you leave, but if it were to come down to that, then I guess I'm going to have to deal with it. I definitely won't forget any of this. But either way, thanks for being there.
Sincerely,
Me.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
No Self-Control
I don't know what is it that caused me to feel this way. It's like an unexpected turn where one moment you feel like the happiest person ever and that transitioned to the opposite. I just don't understand how my emotions work these days. It's bringing me down by the second of it.
Come to think of it, I've had moments like this from the past. I've cried a little from time to time to ease the pain my heart felt. It worked after a while though, but it wasn't enough. I was always feeling as if I couldn't do anything about it anymore. A feeling so elusive, I can't seem to mind when it's there. I guess that I've gotten used to feeling this way...it's not surprising. But I still wonder as to how I've gotten so down about things. Maybe I've been thinking too deeply that my mind starts to go insane leaving my emotions to do it's job to make me feel like crap. Nowadays I don't know what to feel at all. This causes me to stay back from the things I regularly do. It's like I can't stand myself talking to people when I feel this way.
Whether to be content or not, it doesn't matter. I'm becoming apathetic over everything which isn't good for my health. I'm crumbling on the inside knowing that none of it shows on the outside, or at least I try not to. I've gotten easily annoyed of my parents, especially my mother. I hate to do that when she tries talking to me because I know she didn't do anything wrong. Maybe I've thought of the things I went through with her that I'm not exactly over it? This shit pretty much sucks...and I already ruined my promise for lent; Not to swear for 40 days. Womp.
The little things always get to me which is definitely one of the flaws I hate about myself. I know that people aren't perfect but damn, I couldn't be anymore complicated. I'm sorry to those that have dealt with me feeling this way and I don't mean to rub it in your face as if I'm expecting help from you guys. The fact that I wanted to reach out to people to vent is what I've done lately. I think it's best if I just keep some things to myself than to blur it out to others. It is always good to open up about these things, but sometimes I still find it hard to do so. I don't think blogging about this will even make me feel better afterward. I hate having time do its magic to heal my wings. I wish it can just stop at this point, but that won't happen after a while.
It's a new day and all I can do is deal with it and move on. Bam, the end. I'll have a much positive and happier blog soon. Sorry guys.
Come to think of it, I've had moments like this from the past. I've cried a little from time to time to ease the pain my heart felt. It worked after a while though, but it wasn't enough. I was always feeling as if I couldn't do anything about it anymore. A feeling so elusive, I can't seem to mind when it's there. I guess that I've gotten used to feeling this way...it's not surprising. But I still wonder as to how I've gotten so down about things. Maybe I've been thinking too deeply that my mind starts to go insane leaving my emotions to do it's job to make me feel like crap. Nowadays I don't know what to feel at all. This causes me to stay back from the things I regularly do. It's like I can't stand myself talking to people when I feel this way.
Whether to be content or not, it doesn't matter. I'm becoming apathetic over everything which isn't good for my health. I'm crumbling on the inside knowing that none of it shows on the outside, or at least I try not to. I've gotten easily annoyed of my parents, especially my mother. I hate to do that when she tries talking to me because I know she didn't do anything wrong. Maybe I've thought of the things I went through with her that I'm not exactly over it? This shit pretty much sucks...and I already ruined my promise for lent; Not to swear for 40 days. Womp.
The little things always get to me which is definitely one of the flaws I hate about myself. I know that people aren't perfect but damn, I couldn't be anymore complicated. I'm sorry to those that have dealt with me feeling this way and I don't mean to rub it in your face as if I'm expecting help from you guys. The fact that I wanted to reach out to people to vent is what I've done lately. I think it's best if I just keep some things to myself than to blur it out to others. It is always good to open up about these things, but sometimes I still find it hard to do so. I don't think blogging about this will even make me feel better afterward. I hate having time do its magic to heal my wings. I wish it can just stop at this point, but that won't happen after a while.
It's a new day and all I can do is deal with it and move on. Bam, the end. I'll have a much positive and happier blog soon. Sorry guys.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
