I don't know what is it that caused me to feel this way. It's like an unexpected turn where one moment you feel like the happiest person ever and that transitioned to the opposite. I just don't understand how my emotions work these days. It's bringing me down by the second of it.
Come to think of it, I've had moments like this from the past. I've cried a little from time to time to ease the pain my heart felt. It worked after a while though, but it wasn't enough. I was always feeling as if I couldn't do anything about it anymore. A feeling so elusive, I can't seem to mind when it's there. I guess that I've gotten used to feeling this way...it's not surprising. But I still wonder as to how I've gotten so down about things. Maybe I've been thinking too deeply that my mind starts to go insane leaving my emotions to do it's job to make me feel like crap. Nowadays I don't know what to feel at all. This causes me to stay back from the things I regularly do. It's like I can't stand myself talking to people when I feel this way.
Whether to be content or not, it doesn't matter. I'm becoming apathetic over everything which isn't good for my health. I'm crumbling on the inside knowing that none of it shows on the outside, or at least I try not to. I've gotten easily annoyed of my parents, especially my mother. I hate to do that when she tries talking to me because I know she didn't do anything wrong. Maybe I've thought of the things I went through with her that I'm not exactly over it? This shit pretty much sucks...and I already ruined my promise for lent; Not to swear for 40 days. Womp.
The little things always get to me which is definitely one of the flaws I hate about myself. I know that people aren't perfect but damn, I couldn't be anymore complicated. I'm sorry to those that have dealt with me feeling this way and I don't mean to rub it in your face as if I'm expecting help from you guys. The fact that I wanted to reach out to people to vent is what I've done lately. I think it's best if I just keep some things to myself than to blur it out to others. It is always good to open up about these things, but sometimes I still find it hard to do so. I don't think blogging about this will even make me feel better afterward. I hate having time do its magic to heal my wings. I wish it can just stop at this point, but that won't happen after a while.
It's a new day and all I can do is deal with it and move on. Bam, the end. I'll have a much positive and happier blog soon. Sorry guys.
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It's cool. Everyone has days like this, feelings all inside, and needing to vent it out to others. Ya know I'll be here for ya when you need to vent. :P
ReplyDeleteThe way things are in the world can be viewed through a simple and complicated way. You just gotta choose which way to view it. The simple way can just be reall simple that you think it's not possible, which is a pain load. When you start thinking more and more.. that just makes everything more complex than they need to be. :/
Maybe you know you gotta do something that won't make you think about stuffs like that. Go outside, have some fun by yourself, take a walk around your block, feeling the nice weather and all.
Magic doesn't always help heal, at times it just masks everything. It's preferably to get rid of it all rather than hide it all.
It's a new day, new beginning. Don't hold things from yesterday onto today, then because that would mean yesterday is just like today, which wouldn't be good at all. :P
*sends happy positive, fuzzy bunny filled thoughts to Abby.* ^^ <3
I don't know if your astrological sign is maybe cancer but mine is and am an emotional roller coaster! You are not alone!
ReplyDeleteHaha, I'm really moody and I've cried one second and laughed another then raged another. I have a journal I hand write in and playing super happy music tends to put me back into perspective. You just have to find those little things that put you back into control. Also at the same time it's good to let out emotions!