Please do not read.

You have no idea how many times my soul wants to be free from the likes of you. The way you still push me around as if I'm only 5 years old. Your way of threatening me not only insults me but makes me want to be much more defiant towards you. The only reason why I don't intend to make a move like how you did to me is the fact that I know where my limits lie. As for you, you need to stop being an annoying, smoke-loving, PMSing son of a bitch and back the fuck off. I try having my own space and yet you still step onto my turf and expect me to deal with your shit.

I'm so tempted to tell someone about your smoking dilemma. Knowing that you're diabetic, you don't give a flying fuck about your health and that bothers me. Even if you do workout daily 3 times a week doesn't convince me that you're going to change your habits. As much as I want to take away your cigarettes and throw them away, I know I can't stop you instantly. It's your life and knowing that I still care doesn't mean you're going to change for me. You say 'oh I do it once in a while'. You think that's not going to affect your lungs much? How fucking stupid are you to tell me that? None of that will ever convince me to think that you'll be okay. I hate to come home and smell the aroma of toxic waste from your clothes. I would take it away, stomp on it in front of you to realize what you're doing is wrong.

You love to put me down as your way to be satisfied that I have been defeated. Well you know what? I'm only taking these 'bullets' just because I must and a way for you to shut the fuck up. I'm more than sick and tired to hear you bitch about how much of a failure I am to you. Do you not know how it feels like to be neglected just by the things you tell me? Even if you say you care, it hurts. I'm sorry I can't be like those who you define as 'role models'. I love that you don't see past my imperfections because that's how you'll always view me as.

Because of you, I rarely hang out with any of my friends nor give my time to do something outdoors. The fact that you're overprotective prevents me to have some fun in my life. Sadly, as this family isn't the same...I feel as if nothing will ever be the same with you and I. Just having casual, but short conversations is all we have and we part our ways for the day. You clearly have no idea how much I just want to scream from the top of my lungs right now. No wonder why I can't be as close to you like other parents who have closure with their teens. I don't think I'm ever going to have that at all anytime soon even if I tried.

I wish I could be as respectful towards you like some of my cousins who have tremendous amount of respect for their parents. I wish you and I could have had this connection where I can tell you things and have your support 100% no matter what I do. Instead, we have this wall that prevents you and I from doing so. Personally, I find it awfully depressing and something I'm already used to. But what can I do? I didn't want to start this way with you at all. Now I get easy irritated and angry when you try to ask me for help. I really hate doing that every single time. I also have some things to fix...or maybe so much than I thought.

At times I cry out of nowhere for self-comfort and that's all I can do to help me heal. Nowadays I prefer to keep those tears in and fight it just so I won't be as weak as I once was. I'm not settling this bullshit with you for the next two years. As much as I love you, it's more than difficult to say it to your face. That's the biggest challenge I have right now and I don't know how to get around it.