There are times where I feel like I don't contribute enough to anything. Then there are times where I'm not changing myself enough for the better. I mean really...I still feel like shit sometimes. Whatever I do doesn't seem to help make me a better person. It makes myself feel bitter by the second of it. I think to myself as this person who is very indecisive over things and can't seem to make up her mind anymore. I still do some of the same mistakes from time to time. The only person I'm most angry at is...myself.
I hate the way I act towards people when I know I shouldn't be acting like an asshole. I sometimes feel like a disappointment to people. I wish I could be someone else for a day and see a different perspective on things. I feel much more careless as each day goes by. I'm easily annoyed more than I ever was, and no I'm not PMSing. I tend to think ahead of my future which worries me sometimes. Basically, I think too much over things when I shouldn't be. Then again, I'm one fucking moron for doing so.
Thing is, I can't figure this out anymore. I just want to get away from it. Get away from pretty much everything around me. There are some things in my past that haunts me to this day. Not only does it bother me, but it crawls into my skin as if an insect is sucking out blood. I don't know..I need time away, that's all. When I ask myself if God is watching over me, I honestly don't know at all. My connection with God is not exactly there now that I have no interest into going to mass on Sundays. In a way, I just don't really care. I know it's a bad thing to say coming from a religious family. But really, the person I am now is the person I don't really want to be anymore: Careless, ignorant, stubborn, etc.
All I really want is a wake up call. I desperately need it. I definitely don't want to continue being like this. There are so many questions left unanswered. I know I can't have them all at the same time. As each day comes, then maybe...just maybe I'll have some answers.
I hate the way I act towards people when I know I shouldn't be acting like an asshole. I sometimes feel like a disappointment to people. I wish I could be someone else for a day and see a different perspective on things. I feel much more careless as each day goes by. I'm easily annoyed more than I ever was, and no I'm not PMSing. I tend to think ahead of my future which worries me sometimes. Basically, I think too much over things when I shouldn't be. Then again, I'm one fucking moron for doing so.
Thing is, I can't figure this out anymore. I just want to get away from it. Get away from pretty much everything around me. There are some things in my past that haunts me to this day. Not only does it bother me, but it crawls into my skin as if an insect is sucking out blood. I don't know..I need time away, that's all. When I ask myself if God is watching over me, I honestly don't know at all. My connection with God is not exactly there now that I have no interest into going to mass on Sundays. In a way, I just don't really care. I know it's a bad thing to say coming from a religious family. But really, the person I am now is the person I don't really want to be anymore: Careless, ignorant, stubborn, etc.
All I really want is a wake up call. I desperately need it. I definitely don't want to continue being like this. There are so many questions left unanswered. I know I can't have them all at the same time. As each day comes, then maybe...just maybe I'll have some answers.
No comments:
Post a Comment