Sometimes...

I sometimes wish I didn't care about people's problems that have nothing to do with me. But as a friend, I have to just to show that I'm always there and to understand what's up. When things go down hard, that's when it doesn't look so easy to me anymore. Where you're caught up in someone's problem and they expect you to comfort them in any way...it kind of sucks. You don't know what to say back when it gets worse. The best you can do is listen knowing you don't have the right words to say about it.

I hate that feeling only because as a person I feel useless towards them when comes to it. If there was a way where I'd find the right advice to give them, I'd definitely do so. Up to this point, I'm at a loss of words. I feel like getting out of it, but I'd hate to see the person suffer. It starts to get to me each time I think of it. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm feeling like poop now.

This is why I hate drama with a passion. I've been over with this a LONG time ago. This is such childish bullcrap. People come and drag you into their problems is something I have a problem with. There's a difference between helping someone with a problem and being a part of it. I didn't realize that I'd get caught being a part of it when I should have done something to ease the situation. What the hell can I do? I obviously didn't know what was going on. So I didn't want to take the risk of saying anything. Blah blah whatever. I want to run away from all of this even if it's not the best solution to do. I kind of want to ignore everything.

I wish I didn't answer that phone call otherwise I wouldn't have this bother me. Oh well, things like this just happens unexpectedly. I just wish it didn't happen to me this time. Although I dislike the person, the least I could have done is listen and I refused to be there. Wow, talk about being heartless, huh?

Agitated

There are two things that bother me at this moment:

• Having a best friend's ex call me out of nowhere SOBBING over something that has nothing to do with me.
• Finding out that a best friend doesn't tell me things anymore.

Let's start with the first. A few hours back, I had a phone call from Nicole's ex-boyfriend, Steven. I'm not sure if they're still an item after these two years, but I'll say he's an ex for now. Anyway, so he calls me crying his eyes out over something that happened at a talent show. This was my first time hearing him cry that hard and the conversation went awkward. Basically at the end of Nicole's performance comes an unexpected kiss between her and some guy name Mando. I thought the kiss was on the cheeks, but it turns out it was on the lips which obviously the audience saw. One of Steven's friends recorded the video and sent it to his phone, which lead him crying in tears. During the conversation, I tried calming him down and comforted him for a bit.

...that was a fail, really.

He was so upset that he's going to stop calling her and block her out of his life. Now when I heard that, I had a feeling of relief because I dislike the punk. I find this as karma for what he has done to Nicole from the past. But at the same time, I felt pretty horrible for the kid. I didn't want to come off as a b*tch and put our differences aside. He knows that I have a problem with him, but he didn't have anyone to turn to. Lucky me...I had to be that person to consult with. That 10 minute conversation was too much that I had to leave the call. So I called Edgar, Nicole's best friend over the situation and he also knew of what went on. I found out that his little sister used to date Mando and she'll be unhappy with the news he's about to tell her. Yikes. I won't be surprised if everyone will know by morning.

As I was speaking to Edgar, he and I both agreed that Nicole hasn't talked to us about anything as much. In fact I found out that she's been spending time with her ex best friend, Brea whom I disliked a few years back. I believe she was also in the performance with Nicole. I had no problem with that, but I guess I felt a little jealous knowing I can't physically be there since I'm an hour away. I've tried calling her recently and even a few hours ago; Never picked up any of my calls. I'll understand that she's been busy, but I can at least get some calls once in a while. It's been 3 weeks and I find that too long to be apart to be honest. I don't know what to feel other than feeling agitated sometimes...or just mostly neglected. Edgar continues to tell me that every time he and Nicole hangs out, she invites Brea along. From that point, I realized that they're getting closer while she and I are kind of fading out. Blah, eff this crap.

First off, I want nothing to do with what's going on between Steven and Nicole. That's not my concern and never will be. I find it annoying for Steven to call me randomly for his crap when I rarely speak to the guy. He knows I dislike him, so why should I care? It sucks that he has no one to turn to, but I don't want to be someone to him. I'd rather have NOTHING to do with the kid because he's gawd damn immature and selfish. You can say I have this slight grudge towards him and it's getting quite strong now. I don't know what to do with Nicole right now. I have absolutely no idea what goes on in her life these days. I always have to find out through someone else, which is annoying. I've done my part on trying to reach her and sadly I don't get anything back. Oh freaking well then. I'm just going to let this pass and move on. It's not like I haven't gone through this crap before.