Thanks

Dear you,

You've been good to me throughout these past months. No words can ever explain just how exactly I feel right now. I've had quite a blast getting to know you and being able to share some things that I didn't expect to say. I didn't realize you and I would have a connection, but I'm glad I was able to share it with you. I've only known you for a short while, but enough to say that I'm grateful to have you around. I was always in the greatest mood to speak to you mainly late at night. Being able to talk to you until the sun would rise at dawn the first time I heard your voice was surreal. I felt I was in a calm state of mind when your presence was near. It's as if I can hear your voice from a far distance. Whatever we talked about didn't matter as long as we made the conversation continue without the awkward moments in between. I may come off as weird sometimes, but you never do me wrong and accepted me for who I was. At this point, I'm hoping you and I will be able to remain the way we've always been as long as we live...that's if you still want me around. If anything, I hope that when we do suddenly depart, you'll be here when I return doing the usual routine. I don't want to see you leave, but if it were to come down to that, then I guess I'm going to have to deal with it. I definitely won't forget any of this. But either way, thanks for being there.


Sincerely,

Me.

No Self-Control

I don't know what is it that caused me to feel this way. It's like an unexpected turn where one moment you feel like the happiest person ever and that transitioned to the opposite. I just don't understand how my emotions work these days. It's bringing me down by the second of it.

Come to think of it, I've had moments like this from the past. I've cried a little from time to time to ease the pain my heart felt. It worked after a while though, but it wasn't enough. I was always feeling as if I couldn't do anything about it anymore. A feeling so elusive, I can't seem to mind when it's there. I guess that I've gotten used to feeling this way...it's not surprising. But I still wonder as to how I've gotten so down about things. Maybe I've been thinking too deeply that my mind starts to go insane leaving my emotions to do it's job to make me feel like crap. Nowadays I don't know what to feel at all. This causes me to stay back from the things I regularly do. It's like I can't stand myself talking to people when I feel this way.

Whether to be content or not, it doesn't matter. I'm becoming apathetic over everything which isn't good for my health. I'm crumbling on the inside knowing that none of it shows on the outside, or at least I try not to. I've gotten easily annoyed of my parents, especially my mother. I hate to do that when she tries talking to me because I know she didn't do anything wrong. Maybe I've thought of the things I went through with her that I'm not exactly over it? This shit pretty much sucks...and I already ruined my promise for lent; Not to swear for 40 days. Womp.

The little things always get to me which is definitely one of the flaws I hate about myself. I know that people aren't perfect but damn, I couldn't be anymore complicated. I'm sorry to those that have dealt with me feeling this way and I don't mean to rub it in your face as if I'm expecting help from you guys. The fact that I wanted to reach out to people to vent is what I've done lately. I think it's best if I just keep some things to myself than to blur it out to others. It is always good to open up about these things, but sometimes I still find it hard to do so. I don't think blogging about this will even make me feel better afterward. I hate having time do its magic to heal my wings. I wish it can just stop at this point, but that won't happen after a while.

It's a new day and all I can do is deal with it and move on. Bam, the end. I'll have a much positive and happier blog soon. Sorry guys.