I want to get out of this miserable house! I have nothing to do or to gain. Same fucking routine all the time. What else is there to do?
Every single day, I deal with an insanely bitchy mother who I don't have a real relationship with. I mean yes, I talk to her here and there and maybe I'm nicer at times. But on the real, I never open up to her about anything. In fact, my parents don't have any idea what I've been through so far in my 18 years of being in this world. It's either just school-related or a simple conversation that only lasts for 2 minutes. So all this time, I still feel like I'm alone. Hah.
Give me a break already. I don't want to end up staying here for college too. Maybe I am one screwed up daughter my parents wished they never conceived. I didn't expect them to be my parents. So at this point I'm feeling like I can't break free from this. My blood is boiling, my yearning for freedom is lingering, and just thinking about getting out is still far. 4.5 months left to go and I'm out.
I should be at least appreciative that I have parents unlike some who don't. I love my parents and all, but this...I don't enjoy. I'm probably stubborn and easily tempered when comes to this. If you were in my shoes and have a parent who still hits you, even if you're an 18 year old, you wouldn't want to be in this situation. Yes, I still get hit, I'll admit that. Even if it's a hit on the arm, I don't care. There are times where I want to say something to my mother to make her stop hitting me. Of course, as a daughter I don't hit back. I let myself take the hit over the mistakes I've made. This sort of thing releases the worst side of me. I get depressed and have such low self-esteem towards me. I really feel torn and my only way to get this out of the way is doing this...blog.
I know I'm angry and this is a phase most teens go through. Damn, I wasted majority of my time just to be home. I don't go out and hang with people or even get some fresh air by myself anymore. It's like they got me on check or something just because I'm the only daughter. I bet they're going to use that excuse as a way for me to stay home rather than dorming at a CSU. If I do dorm, then my mom has to deal with it. I can't keep taking the guilt trip any longer. I realized I have the most anger towards my mother than my father. Like mother like daughter? That's bullshit in this case. Really now...I'm feeling like shit.
Time to get back into my project. Just wanted to let this out.
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Wow. I'm sorry about your relationship with your parents. It's really unfair of how they treat you.
ReplyDeleteYou aren't the screwed up daughter. You can't say that about yourself, because you know it's not true. :/ You're awesome the way you are, it's more likely your parents have different expectations or something for you. Parents do crazy things for crazy reasons.
If anything you should go really confront them and ask they why are they really like that... yes they may lie but you can somewhat see their true colors that way. You need to let go of that pent up anger. It's not going to a good place.
College in the end is mainly your choice besides from the money issue... if anything take loans out. Do what you really want to do/ go to whatever college you want to go to.
Your parents will always be your parents whether you like it or not, sadly at times. and wtf they hit you still? That's not discipline no more. You're old enough not be beat. Your parents need to learn better parenting skills, sorry to say. They're probably either a) overprotective of you or b) think you're still a child. Either way, they'll have to learn to let go eventually.
Don't feel like shit, you got other places to be rather than listen to their crap anyways. Just go put on some headphones and blast music and go relax for a bit, tell them you want to be left alone if anything.
I'm always here for you if you need me. <3 Everyone on skype crew would be there for you. We're family in our own way.
Don't build anything up, let it all out in the end.
I'm 23 years old and I feel the same with my mom sometimes. I wish I could tell her things but she's very old-fashioned and judgmental. I know if she knew the real me she would be very disappointed.
ReplyDeleteBut I know how you feel because I've dealt with it most of my life as well. We probably drifted apart when I turned 12. The only thing I would suggest is maybe trying to open up when you are calm and happy. If you have the slightest feeling of stubbornness or anger, it's just bad timing.
I've come to realize that my mom will never change her view on things. And that's okay because hell, she's my mom. It may not feel good to not be able to share everything with your mom like you used to but it happens. I truly believe that we will find that place again where we can talk about anything and everything, even though it hasn't happened yet. And I believe it will happen with you and your mom as well.
As for her hitting you, I would talk to her about that. You aren't a child anymore and maybe they still have that mind-set. You should make it known that you have the ability to have thoughts and opinions and by all means you are willing to hear theirs as opposed to just being hit.
Overall, everything will be alright. You never see the rainbow until you go through the rain.
i dont know what to say o.O i feel like Christine and Janelle said everything already lol
ReplyDeletehart chuu!
oh, Abby. I'm so sad that you have to go through this.. now I understand more why you are frustrated about your home life. =\
ReplyDeleteSadly, our parents are our parents, and we cannot change that. But yes, you should definitely have a grown up and mature talk with your parents/mother. That can't keep happening.. you are not a child, you are not a weak person. You are a strong, beautiful, independent woman with your own goals, desires, and dreams. Stand up for them, girl!
I wish I could give you a hug right now, and whenever you need one. One day, Abby. One day we will meet each other and hug! Until then, strive for happiness, Abby, because you deserve nothing less than that. We skypers love you! And I do feel as if we are all family. A weird, silly, diverse, and loving family.