It's week two and I have about 14 weeks left of this semester. Seems long, right? I KNOW.
I've been feeling so tired more than the usual. I sleep either at 10:30 or 11 and wake up at 5 am. Then I go back to sleep until 6:15. It's just weird to me. Ehh...
It was my first time today that I was caught putting my head down during English. I didn't know that was a rule, so Mr. Ogden warned me. As he was talking about the 'Seafarer', I sat there trying to stay focused, but I constantly yawned. I really need a lot of rest.
Seems as though I've been feeling gloomy, pissed, confused. I really don't know what's up. Maybe it's the amount of stress I've been having from school. That physics quiz was a fail and I can sense it. I tried my best and that's all it matters for now. Waiting for school to end gave me a glorious feeling so I can rest up and do what I need to do for tonight. I come home and hear my mom yell over some crap and just listening to her gives me a feeling of rage because she won't shut up. She would repeat the same issue if someone were to ask her why she's so tensed. Then it goes back to the beginning again. I really can't take this shit anymore. Just having someone yell and yell and yell majority of my time gives me a massive headache. I can't even yell what my heart feels right now.
I wish I can open up to someone in this house. Apparently, that would be no one. They either don't understand what's going on with me or they just think I'm being silly. It's not a joke when I'm upset. I try covering it up by going on the internet and go about my business. Sometimes, my mom notices my behavior that has to do with how I feel. One day, I had this irritating look and she automatically asked me what was wrong. Of course, I would deny and say it's nothing. Then she comes and tries to get it out of me. Newsflash, maybe because I DON'T feel comfortable speaking to her about my personal issues. I can't even do the same with my dad. They know nothing about anything going on with me. I haven't even called my best friend either and it's been two weeks. It's so hard to vent these days because I'm afraid that I'm going to annoy someone once I let everything out.
If only there are people who can try to understand how I feel, how I see things and all. Bottling things up are not going to help me get through a day. I would burst into tears, but I've done so one too many times. I can't wait to get out soon.
My heart's desperate to scream. I can't fucking take it.
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"I hear the sound of freedom running through my ears. I run up and find a land known as the fall of grace. It was a fantasy, I tell you. People have cried and yearned for a beautiful tomorrow while some stumble upon their past. It’s like the sea washing you away from the shore and fight for your safe return, that is if you want to go back. Many want to die because there was no point of a future when everything failed. Others are in need to search for redemption. Everything turned to ruins, yet a new era is born like a flower blossoming. Is it a sign or an illusion? Is this the answer to our prayers?"
I've been feeling so tired more than the usual. I sleep either at 10:30 or 11 and wake up at 5 am. Then I go back to sleep until 6:15. It's just weird to me. Ehh...
It was my first time today that I was caught putting my head down during English. I didn't know that was a rule, so Mr. Ogden warned me. As he was talking about the 'Seafarer', I sat there trying to stay focused, but I constantly yawned. I really need a lot of rest.
Seems as though I've been feeling gloomy, pissed, confused. I really don't know what's up. Maybe it's the amount of stress I've been having from school. That physics quiz was a fail and I can sense it. I tried my best and that's all it matters for now. Waiting for school to end gave me a glorious feeling so I can rest up and do what I need to do for tonight. I come home and hear my mom yell over some crap and just listening to her gives me a feeling of rage because she won't shut up. She would repeat the same issue if someone were to ask her why she's so tensed. Then it goes back to the beginning again. I really can't take this shit anymore. Just having someone yell and yell and yell majority of my time gives me a massive headache. I can't even yell what my heart feels right now.
I wish I can open up to someone in this house. Apparently, that would be no one. They either don't understand what's going on with me or they just think I'm being silly. It's not a joke when I'm upset. I try covering it up by going on the internet and go about my business. Sometimes, my mom notices my behavior that has to do with how I feel. One day, I had this irritating look and she automatically asked me what was wrong. Of course, I would deny and say it's nothing. Then she comes and tries to get it out of me. Newsflash, maybe because I DON'T feel comfortable speaking to her about my personal issues. I can't even do the same with my dad. They know nothing about anything going on with me. I haven't even called my best friend either and it's been two weeks. It's so hard to vent these days because I'm afraid that I'm going to annoy someone once I let everything out.
If only there are people who can try to understand how I feel, how I see things and all. Bottling things up are not going to help me get through a day. I would burst into tears, but I've done so one too many times. I can't wait to get out soon.
My heart's desperate to scream. I can't fucking take it.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I hear the sound of freedom running through my ears. I run up and find a land known as the fall of grace. It was a fantasy, I tell you. People have cried and yearned for a beautiful tomorrow while some stumble upon their past. It’s like the sea washing you away from the shore and fight for your safe return, that is if you want to go back. Many want to die because there was no point of a future when everything failed. Others are in need to search for redemption. Everything turned to ruins, yet a new era is born like a flower blossoming. Is it a sign or an illusion? Is this the answer to our prayers?"
once you'll scream your heart out, everything will either change or relieve you. it really sucks that you don't have a good relationship with your parents since they're the pillars of your life in my opinion and that having a good relationship with them, makes things easier.
ReplyDeleteOf course they piss you off like everyone and I hate it too when people yell (*cough* my dad) especially for no reason
I hope everything will work out fine in you life abby cause i know you're a good person.
peace
Sounds like you really are stressed. It takes a lot out of someone which is probably why your so tired all of the time. Also could be why you feel the way you feel about alot of things. Sometimes things you have on your mind seem like more than they really are when you're stressed out. I agree with Oliver too about the parents, although I don't have the greatest relationship with them either. I hope things start to brighten up for you soon =)
ReplyDeleteYou're a cool girl -] don't let things get to you, or let it out. I'll be here for you whenever you need anything -]
ReplyDeleteI have spring break next week! 1 more week.
ReplyDeleteI miss you abby! <3
Abby, keeping your heart closed up is going to take a toll on you if it hasn't already started to. After a while loneliness becomes too painful to bear. Relationships are important in life. The people around you that care about you will listen. please don't try to keep all of your troubles inside..
ReplyDelete