Memories, Life & Something Random.

Yesterday I hung out with my friend Jan after 6 months of not seeing each other. We had some good laughs, video making, and talked about things we haven't updated each other on. I was suppose to go to Six Flags with the Drop-In Center members, but things didn't work out. She and I were viewing my baby photos. I had such big eyes back then and still do. Some of the photos made me laugh because of my expressions. My mind was filled with flashbacks from the house I once lived on to the bonding with my cousins & late relatives whom I miss dearly. Those photos made me feel like bursting into tears. I missed how I was younger. I missed how I didn't really care for anything going on, and feeling that warmth from the people you love.

I also met up with my good friend Hector, who just recently graduated from LA High. He called to ask if he can come over for a last time talk before he heads to CSUN. It was a memorable talk actually. He gave me one more life lecture, which lasted for a few minutes. He said that now I'm a senior, I got to make the best of my last year in high school. I shouldn't look back and realize that things may not be the same later on. There were alot more but I thought of these mainly. He's right...I shouldn't question myself if I'll make it out there 'cause I know I will. I guess too many things have definitely put me in a place where I shouldn't be there to begin with. Hector told me "now that I've told you my final lecture, you're all grown up." He made me realize the things I couldn't see from before. Thanks again, brother of mine. We both met up with Anna at the laundry mat for some chit chat before Hector left. I'm surely going to miss him and hopefully he'll go to my graduation next year.

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Now, I need to let some anger out.

By the way, you probably may not know who I'm talking about, unless you're one of the lucky few who I gave my blogspot link to.

I hate how you can act like a total ass and not give a shit about it. You try to be right all the time, when in reality no one is always right. It's funny how you can talk about me through a public chat and not confront me about it. I know I don't really confront you on how I feel until the time is right, but seriously...what is the point? I bet you don't care for me. I bet you think I'm not worth it. So why should I care about you? Maybe I still have a heart that won't go into waste. As much as I'd like to despise someone like you right now...I really can't. Sure call me boring and compare me to anyone whose persona doesn't get out much, but you don't know how or what I am. I could be taking things like this seriously, but I'm not the only one who realizes about it. How the hell can you go on being this way? Oh that's right...like any typical guy, you think it's okay. I'm getting absolutely tired of the bullshit. I shouldn't even go on like this anymore. I could've dropped it way sooner but being an idiot I guess I haven't. I honestly missed how you were before when we had our one on one talks. Part of you is still the same, yet I'm not used to the way you act. No matter what I say or think, I don't think you have anything to say about it. You'd find it either entertaining or straight up bullcrap. My thoughts are not full of shit, but you are. I don't know when the hell I should start, but this is ridiculous. Things are screwed up and I don't know if I should keep it the way it is or at least try fixing. Whatever, it's not going to do much. Yet in the end...I still feel the same towards you.

It's Over.

Last day of school was alright. I spent about 5 hours watching 3 Asian action movies...or was it 4. Anyway, it was pretty good. My Asian Studies/Gov't teacher and I are going to keep in touch during summer, as in chatting or perhaps e-mailing for updates. He's one of the best teachers I've ever met in my life. I saw familiar faces during the day. It was good to see them again. We chatted and bonded for quite a while. Some kept nagging for my lunch. Ugh, there was actually some plenty of food at the cafeteria too. One of my friends said he was broke -_- Laaaame. I got to stop saying that now. My 1st period teacher let me take some books to keep since she's leaving for seattle in a month. I'm going to miss her dearly. Her class was 'poodles of fun', which I got that phrase from a good friend of mine. Haha, so my last day wasn't so bad as I thought, yet I'll be missing school for another two months. I might have work during the summer if I get that job at a UCLA office. *Crosses fingers*

I couldn't make it to graduation. My friend Hector, who is graduating couldn't wait for me to get the ticket since he was going to the gym to get ready for the ceremony. Awww, I'm so bummed right now. I might not even go after it's over now that I'm in no mood of going. I'm going to miss alot of my senior buddies. Some of them I've known for 3 years since my freshman year at LA High. I wish them the best in everything and hoping to go farther than the limit in the future. Congrats to Class of 2008! I'll miss you all so much! Especially Hector & Diana. They have made my past 3 years at LA high memorable. I'll miss our talks during Journalism. Bleh, now It's going to be different once they leave. It'll be my turn in one year. I'll surely make the best of it. I'm starting to feel like a senior already. Hmm, it's really happening.

Oh, I finally received my SAT scores at Collegeboard.com. I did horrible to be honest. I know I didn't study enough and it was my first time taking it as well. So I didn't expect to do better on the test. It was a pain in the arse when I took it about 3 weeks ago. I'll be prepared for the next time I take it, which is on October 4. I need to do some SAT prep on my own during summer. Since I quit volleyball...and I may have regretted it, I'll be spending time doing the things I didn't get the chance to do so.

So I finally talked to 'him' last night. After nearly 3 weeks, I had to let things out. He says that he cared when I was gone and missed me...I felt a little relieved to hear that from him, but his pervy comments were a little too weird. Overall, Some of the weight just left from my shoulders. I'm hoping to continue where we left off though. He may be odd as a person, but I've already accepted him for who he is. Things are starting to bright up again I guess.

Daily stuff & Skype.

Finals are officially over. I am so happy about that. No more stress for a good while. Got to enjoy what's left and appreciate it as if it's my last one ever. Okay, I got to meet up with a friend of mine, Ronald. He used to go to LA high, but transferred to Fairfax a year ago. He and I had a good chat. He kept popping out of nowhere like 3 times, which was funny. Ronald had a flower on his hair. I thought it was cute, until he said it made him look like a fag. Lol, he still remembers how my relatives thought he was my boyfriend at my birthday party 3 months ago. What a classic...but good times. Today wasn't as hot as I thought. The Drop-In Center is near to be gone at school. I'm going to miss that program terribly though. I've been a member for a little more than a year and I'm already upset over it. I hope I'll keep in touch with the graduating seniors & coordinators from the program. They've made a difference in my life as well as everyone else. Now I'm at home and listening to some music as always. I made a sign for my 'Skype Crew'. Haha, I hate my writing though. Why can't I write so well like any other asian/pacific islander would do. Geez! Well, I can't post the photo of the sign up. I'm going to edit it later on.

Basically, I've been talking to the people mentioned on the photo for about 3 months now. Our talks are great! I love how we can relate to one another. I didn't expect that to happen, but hey...expect the unexpected. I'm glad I got to meet these people, just not in person yet. We best should have a 'Skype meet up' soon. That would definitely be worth to happen! I hart all of them already. Thanks for making the chat/conference F-U-N & everything else you guys have done <3.

Beginning of a beautiful summer.

So it's almost my time to celebrate that summer is here. Majority are already on vacation and track schools such as mine is still in session until Friday. Pretty lame, right? I have one more day of finals left until I'm on a 2 month break again. Hurrah! Senior year is right around the corner and I am stoked. Although there are certain things bothering me, I'm trying my hardest to get past it. I haven't been doing one heck of a job doing so, but lately I've been out of the city with relatives. I needed to let some stress off of my shoulders. I just found out my final grades. I'm relieved to know that I passed all my classes with flying colors. I wanted to go for straight A's, but I'm okay with what I have right now. I didn't think I'd be this excited for senior year. One more to go and I'm off to college. What a great feeling. I'm however skeptical about my future. I still don't know what major I'm aiming for and since I've said psychology, I'm not going to choose that fully. I'd like to start & end with a bang. Haha! I'm getting tired with the BS that I've gone through lately. Time to sit back an enjoy what's left of school. I've decided to not say 'goodbye' to everyone, but more like 'see you later' sort of thing. Saying goodbye is like not seeing them ever again. I should've been aware of that from the beginning. Anyway, this summer should be fun & I'm hoping something good can come out of it.

I need answers.

Why am I having the same feeling for sometime now? I'm getting sick of sitting around and wonder if he still has feelings for me. I can't even talk to him like I used to. What honestly happened? Should I just talk to him despite of the awkwardness? Bleh...this is getting ridiculous. I'm suppose to be the bigger person and ask what's really going on. The thing is, I don't know how to start it off. I feel like a total dumbass right now. The more I keep doing this, the more I'm going to let myself suffer. I need to break the ice. I can't go on like this anymore. I don't know if he even cares about me or my feelings. My thoughts come back and forth, yet I have no answer to everything. All I'm relying on is my heart. My mind is always in doubt. He doesn't realize how much I've been feeling different. It seems as though nothing is wrong, when in reality there is. I hope I'm not too late...I just want to know if he still does...that's all I ask. I haven't even met the person, yet I feel he's been right beside me thus far. Lately, we've been distant from each other. I don't want to assume anything. I hate to stress myself out over things like this. School's one thing, but this one is another. If only I can just talk to him normally, it wouldn't be so hard. Oh well, we'll see I suppose...